Dad's attitude toward breastfeeding
I am a dad and growing up I never saw a woman breastfeed until I was 23. I have had very little exposure to it and as a result felt insecure about my wife wanting to breastfeed. It just seemed so intimate and what could I offer? It really left me feeling kinda crappy.
So ... I hit the Internet looking for other dad's who had been through this ... and there wasn't alot of info out there that was geered toward dads and breastfeeding. Most of the info mentioned that dads sometimes feel jealous and threatened by the breastfeeding relationship of mom and baby.
Anyway ... I found some info that was helpful and even some sites that had photos and videos that showed women breastfeeding. That helped me to be supportive of my wife's choice.
Now the point of my story ... As a result of the arduous seige I had to do to find info ... I have decided to create a pro-breastfeeding website to help dad's be supportive of breastfeeding. I am collecting research now (have already been in touch with pro-breastfeeding organizations) and am specifically looking for info on things like:
Were / are you supportive of your wife's choice to breastfeed?
What issues have you and your wife encountered that have been setbacks with breastfeeding and how did you overcome them (such as fear of showing too much breast while feeding in public, feeling left out, jealousy, lack of intimacy, disinterest, etc)?
What were / are your feelings about your wife nursing in public and what are her feelings about it?
What do you do to feel involved?
What is the oldest age that you think a child should breastfeed?
This and any other info you would like to contribute would be most helpful. If you would like me to email you a questionaire ... just let me know.
Thanks,
Tom
^_^:
This is from my DH:
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Were / are you supportive of your wife's choice to breastfeed?
Yes, I was supportive of DW's choice to breastfeed, I felt it was the best thing for my child but at the time I did not realise how important it was or how much is involved with breastfeeding/breastmilk. I found out more through my wife telling me little tidbits of information here and there (and am still discovering more).
What issues have you and your wife encountered that have been setbacks with breastfeeding and how did you overcome them (such as fear of showing too much breast while feeding in public, feeling left out, jealousy, lack of intimacy, disinterest, etc)??
I said I did not have a problem with her breastfeeding in public but when we first started, I discovered that I did have a problem with it and was not as supportive as I should of been. The first few times, I said stuff like "put your finger in her mouth" to DW, when I knew my daughter was hungry! Of course she ended up crying and in the end DW just breastfed her (with more people watching because of the attention the crying drew!!) I have nothing but praise for DW's courage at the beginning because I know she was nervous and uncomfortable at first but put DD's needs first ahead of her own.
It took some time and a couple of emotional upsets from DD at home before I realised that my feelings would have to second to DD's needs - if she was hungry, then she was hungry and it would be a lot easier for everyone involved if I started being more supportive. Once I started saying things like "Go ahead, feed her" and giving her reassuring smiles and saying stuff like "Maybe you should try feeding her before she gets upset" while out in public, DW stopped looking to me with that questioning look on her face and had more confidence in what she was doing.
My wife's breasts will always be objects of sexual arousal for me :D but they are also working breasts and they have looked after our daughter this far and helped her to grow. I've come to a point now where I accept that and if I heard any negative comment aimed towards her breastfeeding, I would definitely respond and vigorously defend her.
I did have some jealousy issues in the beginning too because it felt like DD had all of DW's attention (and her body too!) but that stopped as soon as we got back to our normal sex life and level of intimacy with each other.
[b]What were / are your feelings about your wife nursing in public and what are her feelings about it??
I think I sorta answered that above. Right now at 8 months, I don't give it a second thought. There are comical times where she has just been breastfeeding in the sling and DD pulls off and she is flashing her breast to whoever looks her way and then like a short while later she is like "Oh! whoops!" and covers herself up or resumes breastfeeding! She is such a natural now and I am so proud of her actually!
As for her feelings about it, I think she should be in the militiant breastfeeding cult lol she is definitely a staunch advocate of breastfeeding and likes to breastfeed in the sling in public so that she can promote breastfeeding and slinging at the same time! She feels that more people should see public breastfeeding to the extent where it is a normal thing and more accepted.
What do you do to feel involved??
I don't need to feel involved in feeding our child. I think and accept that it is DW's sole responsibility and do what I can to help her - etc i get her a drink or talk to her if shes bored. My time will come when our daughter decides she is ready to eat - then I'll enjoy sharing with her!
What is the oldest age that you think a child should breastfeed??
I used to believe that a child should not br breastfeeding at 2 years of age at all! But now, that doesnt seem to fit in my beliefs - we cosleep etc and plan to for as long as DD wants to do that.... I don't think breastfeeding should be any different. Again, the information given by DW has helped me to realise and want to let DD wean naturally. I don't know why I used to feel that it was morally wrong for a child of 2 to still be breastfeeding - I think it may have something to do with what is accepted and "normal" in our culture and what is not. If it was not for other people, I would of never thought or felt that there was an age limit on things.
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i hope that helped! I had to nag dh to sit and type this down hehe good luck with your website!
More Topical:
So ... I hit the Internet looking for other dad's who had been through this ... and there wasn't alot of info out there that was geered toward dads and breastfeeding. Most of the info mentioned that dads sometimes feel jealous and threatened by the breastfeeding relationship of mom and baby.
Anyway ... I found some info that was helpful and even some sites that had photos and videos that showed women breastfeeding. That helped me to be supportive of my wife's choice.
Now the point of my story ... As a result of the arduous seige I had to do to find info ... I have decided to create a pro-breastfeeding website to help dad's be supportive of breastfeeding. I am collecting research now (have already been in touch with pro-breastfeeding organizations) and am specifically looking for info on things like:
Were / are you supportive of your wife's choice to breastfeed?
What issues have you and your wife encountered that have been setbacks with breastfeeding and how did you overcome them (such as fear of showing too much breast while feeding in public, feeling left out, jealousy, lack of intimacy, disinterest, etc)?
What were / are your feelings about your wife nursing in public and what are her feelings about it?
What do you do to feel involved?
What is the oldest age that you think a child should breastfeed?
This and any other info you would like to contribute would be most helpful. If you would like me to email you a questionaire ... just let me know.
Thanks,
Tom
^_^:
This is from my DH:
----------------------------------------------------------
Were / are you supportive of your wife's choice to breastfeed?
Yes, I was supportive of DW's choice to breastfeed, I felt it was the best thing for my child but at the time I did not realise how important it was or how much is involved with breastfeeding/breastmilk. I found out more through my wife telling me little tidbits of information here and there (and am still discovering more).
What issues have you and your wife encountered that have been setbacks with breastfeeding and how did you overcome them (such as fear of showing too much breast while feeding in public, feeling left out, jealousy, lack of intimacy, disinterest, etc)??
I said I did not have a problem with her breastfeeding in public but when we first started, I discovered that I did have a problem with it and was not as supportive as I should of been. The first few times, I said stuff like "put your finger in her mouth" to DW, when I knew my daughter was hungry! Of course she ended up crying and in the end DW just breastfed her (with more people watching because of the attention the crying drew!!) I have nothing but praise for DW's courage at the beginning because I know she was nervous and uncomfortable at first but put DD's needs first ahead of her own.
It took some time and a couple of emotional upsets from DD at home before I realised that my feelings would have to second to DD's needs - if she was hungry, then she was hungry and it would be a lot easier for everyone involved if I started being more supportive. Once I started saying things like "Go ahead, feed her" and giving her reassuring smiles and saying stuff like "Maybe you should try feeding her before she gets upset" while out in public, DW stopped looking to me with that questioning look on her face and had more confidence in what she was doing.
My wife's breasts will always be objects of sexual arousal for me :D but they are also working breasts and they have looked after our daughter this far and helped her to grow. I've come to a point now where I accept that and if I heard any negative comment aimed towards her breastfeeding, I would definitely respond and vigorously defend her.
I did have some jealousy issues in the beginning too because it felt like DD had all of DW's attention (and her body too!) but that stopped as soon as we got back to our normal sex life and level of intimacy with each other.
[b]What were / are your feelings about your wife nursing in public and what are her feelings about it??
I think I sorta answered that above. Right now at 8 months, I don't give it a second thought. There are comical times where she has just been breastfeeding in the sling and DD pulls off and she is flashing her breast to whoever looks her way and then like a short while later she is like "Oh! whoops!" and covers herself up or resumes breastfeeding! She is such a natural now and I am so proud of her actually!
As for her feelings about it, I think she should be in the militiant breastfeeding cult lol she is definitely a staunch advocate of breastfeeding and likes to breastfeed in the sling in public so that she can promote breastfeeding and slinging at the same time! She feels that more people should see public breastfeeding to the extent where it is a normal thing and more accepted.
What do you do to feel involved??
I don't need to feel involved in feeding our child. I think and accept that it is DW's sole responsibility and do what I can to help her - etc i get her a drink or talk to her if shes bored. My time will come when our daughter decides she is ready to eat - then I'll enjoy sharing with her!
What is the oldest age that you think a child should breastfeed??
I used to believe that a child should not br breastfeeding at 2 years of age at all! But now, that doesnt seem to fit in my beliefs - we cosleep etc and plan to for as long as DD wants to do that.... I don't think breastfeeding should be any different. Again, the information given by DW has helped me to realise and want to let DD wean naturally. I don't know why I used to feel that it was morally wrong for a child of 2 to still be breastfeeding - I think it may have something to do with what is accepted and "normal" in our culture and what is not. If it was not for other people, I would of never thought or felt that there was an age limit on things.
-----------------------------------------------
i hope that helped! I had to nag dh to sit and type this down hehe good luck with your website!
More Topical: