Moving - How do you handle with little kids?
We are pretty sure we're moving in a couple of months. My older two are 4 1/4 and my youngest is 1 1/2. So far, they know NOTHING.
For a variety of reasons, we will be moving to a different town, about 2+ hours away, to be closer to our families and get a better cost of living. The kids have lots of aunts/uncles and cousins nearby (plus one set of grandparents) but obviously don't know any other kids there. We will be living in an area that is unfamiliar to them, i.e., no parks, playgrounds, etc. they have ever seen before. I will also be resigning from my part-time job or working out some sort of deal where I telecommute in the evenings, which will ensure I can be home full time with the kids to make their transition easier. From their point of view, I will not be working anymore.
The oldest two are starting nursery school at a school they love (they went last year 2 days) next week. This move will require that I pull them out of nursery school sometime in October. I already have a spot held for them at a nursery school where we're moving, going the same number of days per week (three mornings/week). When I know exactly what our move date is, I will call the school and they'll prepare for them to ensure they have a cubby, etc.
We currently live on a street with tons of kids their age and they have A LOT of really good friends in our neighborhood and others close by. They are very used to going to their favorite playgrounds, library, etc. -- in other words, they are VERY entrenched in our lives here and are very connected to those we live around/near.
The baby (18 mos.) will be home with me full time. No classes, etc. planned (mostly because I don't "do" classes anyway :duck: lol, even if we weren't moving).
So.....
How should we tell the kids? When should we tell them? What can we do to help make the transition as easy as possible? What can I do once we move to help them acclimate, find new friends, etc.? What should we do for our older kids vs. the youngest?
Also, does anyone know of any children's books (for ages 4-8, picture/story books) that deal with moving in an AP friendly way (i.e., no "just get over it kid" themes)?
^_^:
if the eldest is anything like mine (we moved across the ocean when she was 4 1/4 and she was traumatized by it for 2 years) -- tell her as soon as possible, but keep their current life as normal and smooth as possible. My dd was as entrenched in her local community as yours are. I might caution against taking children out of something partway through that doesn't have any proper closure (or maybe you can make the effort to help with closure at the preschool; have a party there on their last day and say goodbye officially). I can't remember any of the book names but there are plenty of good ones at the library about moving.
I'd try to meet a couple of mamas/kids online before you get there, so your kids have new friends to anticipate. Also, if it's only 2 hours, could you maybe take a family drive there once or twice and show them around so they at least will have some familiarity with it before the actual move?
The most important thing for dd has been talking a lot about her old home, looking at pictures (made a scrapbook of her friends), and keeping in touch (postcards every now and then). Her need has naturally waned - it took way longer than I expected!!! And since you'll be close surely you can invite people to visit you or go back down to visit once in a while, no?
hope that helps a little. good luck.
^_^:
if the eldest is anything like mine (we moved across the ocean when she was 4 1/4 and she was traumatized by it for 2 years) -- tell her as soon as possible, but keep their current life as normal and smooth as possible. My dd was as entrenched in her local community as yours are. I might caution against taking children out of something partway through that doesn't have any proper closure (or maybe you can make the effort to help with closure at the preschool; have a party there on their last day and say goodbye officially). I can't remember any of the book names but there are plenty of good ones at the library about moving.
I'd try to meet a couple of mamas/kids online before you get there, so your kids have new friends to anticipate. Also, if it's only 2 hours, could you maybe take a family drive there once or twice and show them around so they at least will have some familiarity with it before the actual move?
The most important thing for dd has been talking a lot about her old home, looking at pictures (made a scrapbook of her friends), and keeping in touch (postcards every now and then). Her need has naturally waned - it took way longer than I expected!!! And since you'll be close surely you can invite people to visit you or go back down to visit once in a while, no?
hope that helps a little. good luck. :eek OMG this post totally freaked me out. Do you mind if I ask what you would have done differently or what you think contributed to your dd being so freaked out? I am terrified this is going to be my kids.
The thing is, I want to tell them now, but I worry how much it would freak them out if things fall through - it feels a little too early now. Though you make a good case for just being forthright from the get go.
I'm glad to hear your dd is feeling better now.
^_^:
i'm sorry, i thought the post might freak you out, but i had already submitted it! let me back up. i have a HIGHLY sensitive child and there were many other factors alongside the move that came into play -
1- we moved very far away - and she had to switch to speaking her second language immediately (she already knew it but didn't speak it much in the states);
2 - our living situation was a step down - from a house in a pleasant town with garden to a cramped flat on a noisy city street - and no kids around, whereas she had always had friends next door or a few minutes' walk away. 3- Our standard of living also decreased (financial stresses)
4- I was pregnant and irritable, then she got a new brother half a year later, who cried nonstop for a year, making us all highly anxious.
5- Then, just when she had started to relax a little, we had to go back to the states for 6 months (w/out her dad) to be with my ailing mother. At the end of that trip, we spent a month in our previous town with my brother and it was just as comfortable and wonderful as dd had remembered it, so it magnified everything she hated about the new place when we returned (early this year).
So i would say - the odds are you aren't going to have this extreme situation!!! I think it's good your kids have each other - as long as they like each other, this should be your first boon.
many times over the past few years i have been ready to just pack it up and return but i know that would just cause more confusion. I do think 4 is a hard age to move, because kids are very aware but still in their "roots" mode and not yet able to see it as an adventure (as i did when i was 7).
I would again auggest exploring the place and ideally meeting people before you get there (even if you don't yet tell them you are going to move there). I would make sure to unpack and make your new place homey ASAP. We still have boxes lying around (lack of appropriate furniture, not enough space) and it gives off a sense of "temporary" and this can definitely cause nervousness. Otherwise - just try to cover all your bases. I am SURE it won't be as bad as we had it!!
^_^:
Moving this to Childhood Years
More Topical:
For a variety of reasons, we will be moving to a different town, about 2+ hours away, to be closer to our families and get a better cost of living. The kids have lots of aunts/uncles and cousins nearby (plus one set of grandparents) but obviously don't know any other kids there. We will be living in an area that is unfamiliar to them, i.e., no parks, playgrounds, etc. they have ever seen before. I will also be resigning from my part-time job or working out some sort of deal where I telecommute in the evenings, which will ensure I can be home full time with the kids to make their transition easier. From their point of view, I will not be working anymore.
The oldest two are starting nursery school at a school they love (they went last year 2 days) next week. This move will require that I pull them out of nursery school sometime in October. I already have a spot held for them at a nursery school where we're moving, going the same number of days per week (three mornings/week). When I know exactly what our move date is, I will call the school and they'll prepare for them to ensure they have a cubby, etc.
We currently live on a street with tons of kids their age and they have A LOT of really good friends in our neighborhood and others close by. They are very used to going to their favorite playgrounds, library, etc. -- in other words, they are VERY entrenched in our lives here and are very connected to those we live around/near.
The baby (18 mos.) will be home with me full time. No classes, etc. planned (mostly because I don't "do" classes anyway :duck: lol, even if we weren't moving).
So.....
How should we tell the kids? When should we tell them? What can we do to help make the transition as easy as possible? What can I do once we move to help them acclimate, find new friends, etc.? What should we do for our older kids vs. the youngest?
Also, does anyone know of any children's books (for ages 4-8, picture/story books) that deal with moving in an AP friendly way (i.e., no "just get over it kid" themes)?
^_^:
if the eldest is anything like mine (we moved across the ocean when she was 4 1/4 and she was traumatized by it for 2 years) -- tell her as soon as possible, but keep their current life as normal and smooth as possible. My dd was as entrenched in her local community as yours are. I might caution against taking children out of something partway through that doesn't have any proper closure (or maybe you can make the effort to help with closure at the preschool; have a party there on their last day and say goodbye officially). I can't remember any of the book names but there are plenty of good ones at the library about moving.
I'd try to meet a couple of mamas/kids online before you get there, so your kids have new friends to anticipate. Also, if it's only 2 hours, could you maybe take a family drive there once or twice and show them around so they at least will have some familiarity with it before the actual move?
The most important thing for dd has been talking a lot about her old home, looking at pictures (made a scrapbook of her friends), and keeping in touch (postcards every now and then). Her need has naturally waned - it took way longer than I expected!!! And since you'll be close surely you can invite people to visit you or go back down to visit once in a while, no?
hope that helps a little. good luck.
^_^:
if the eldest is anything like mine (we moved across the ocean when she was 4 1/4 and she was traumatized by it for 2 years) -- tell her as soon as possible, but keep their current life as normal and smooth as possible. My dd was as entrenched in her local community as yours are. I might caution against taking children out of something partway through that doesn't have any proper closure (or maybe you can make the effort to help with closure at the preschool; have a party there on their last day and say goodbye officially). I can't remember any of the book names but there are plenty of good ones at the library about moving.
I'd try to meet a couple of mamas/kids online before you get there, so your kids have new friends to anticipate. Also, if it's only 2 hours, could you maybe take a family drive there once or twice and show them around so they at least will have some familiarity with it before the actual move?
The most important thing for dd has been talking a lot about her old home, looking at pictures (made a scrapbook of her friends), and keeping in touch (postcards every now and then). Her need has naturally waned - it took way longer than I expected!!! And since you'll be close surely you can invite people to visit you or go back down to visit once in a while, no?
hope that helps a little. good luck. :eek OMG this post totally freaked me out. Do you mind if I ask what you would have done differently or what you think contributed to your dd being so freaked out? I am terrified this is going to be my kids.
The thing is, I want to tell them now, but I worry how much it would freak them out if things fall through - it feels a little too early now. Though you make a good case for just being forthright from the get go.
I'm glad to hear your dd is feeling better now.
^_^:
i'm sorry, i thought the post might freak you out, but i had already submitted it! let me back up. i have a HIGHLY sensitive child and there were many other factors alongside the move that came into play -
1- we moved very far away - and she had to switch to speaking her second language immediately (she already knew it but didn't speak it much in the states);
2 - our living situation was a step down - from a house in a pleasant town with garden to a cramped flat on a noisy city street - and no kids around, whereas she had always had friends next door or a few minutes' walk away. 3- Our standard of living also decreased (financial stresses)
4- I was pregnant and irritable, then she got a new brother half a year later, who cried nonstop for a year, making us all highly anxious.
5- Then, just when she had started to relax a little, we had to go back to the states for 6 months (w/out her dad) to be with my ailing mother. At the end of that trip, we spent a month in our previous town with my brother and it was just as comfortable and wonderful as dd had remembered it, so it magnified everything she hated about the new place when we returned (early this year).
So i would say - the odds are you aren't going to have this extreme situation!!! I think it's good your kids have each other - as long as they like each other, this should be your first boon.
many times over the past few years i have been ready to just pack it up and return but i know that would just cause more confusion. I do think 4 is a hard age to move, because kids are very aware but still in their "roots" mode and not yet able to see it as an adventure (as i did when i was 7).
I would again auggest exploring the place and ideally meeting people before you get there (even if you don't yet tell them you are going to move there). I would make sure to unpack and make your new place homey ASAP. We still have boxes lying around (lack of appropriate furniture, not enough space) and it gives off a sense of "temporary" and this can definitely cause nervousness. Otherwise - just try to cover all your bases. I am SURE it won't be as bad as we had it!!
^_^:
Moving this to Childhood Years
More Topical: