He won't stop kneading my tummy
Ds is driving me crazy! He's 5 years old and I weaned him from the breast shortly before he turned 4. It's been about a year and a half since he last nursed. Back when he was nursing, he'd knead the skin on my tummy--that stretched out post-pregnancy skin. When I weaned him, in order to help him feel better, I'd let him continue to touch my tummy, but not nurse.
The problem is, he is now--as my older kids call him--a "tummy addict." Any time he feels like it, he's sticking his hands up my shirt. I've been telling him not to, but it's really hard to get him off me, and it's embarrassing when he does this in public; not to mention uncomfortable, now that cold weather is here and he's untucking my shirt and putting his freezing hands on my bare skin.
I'm not sure if this really goes in EBF, but I thought I'd put it here, because I really see it as more of a discipline issue.
Has anyone else had a kneader? How did you stop him or her?
^_^:
I'd be interested in replies to this. We have the same problem.
^_^:
I have a 5 yo who is a groper, too. She self-weaned a couple of months before she turned 5. She puts her hands in my shirt, tries to jump on my (pg) belly, grope, grope, grope.
When she does it, I calmly tell her that "I don't want to be touched like that," or "don't put your hands up my shirt, please" and that "I'd rather be touched like this" and I show her a more appropriate, more gentle, less irritating way to be affectionate.
She's getting better at it.
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my little brother used to put his hand in my mom's armpit when he nursed, and he did it to anyone who rocked him to sleep or cuddled with him (after he weaned - he was about 3, i was about 18). it was pretty uncomfortable in public, and we never had much luck trying to dissuade him from it, but he did eventually outgrow it. sorry if that's no help for you, but you know your boy won't be doing it forever.
aja
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Do you have any clothes (like overalls or dresses) that can't be lifted? Maybe if he can't do it, then he'll give up.
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Totally totally totally there with you.
Our DS#1 was like this mostly with my breasts until really just last year (and he still tries to 'cop a feel' on occasion) ... and still has some touching/boundary issues, seeing him poke or touch other children too much. He weaned at 3, and now he's 6.5.
***Don't want that to sound like what it's not, he's not touching anywhere 'private,' just TOO MUCH TOUCHING.***
Unfortunately before I found MDC it made me crazy when I was pg with my #2, you know, that nursing repulsion thing that sort of happens, and I would get crazy when he would just be grabbing me while nursing, so would hold his hands together ... oy.
The therapist issues are just building and building as I write this. :( :LOL
But anyway, it became almost a tough love situation, and I write that very guiltily, because I don't think I dealt with it properly ... where if he was groping or grabbing my breasts or whatever I would just not let him near me for a while. No hugs, and whenever I did hug him, it was like a 'distant' hug, almost like there was a tree between us.
Hard to explain because thinking about it makes me feel awful, and that's hard to deal with.
Once I came here I started to deal with it differently, like if I was holding him on my lap (yay for doing that altogether again :() and felt his hand going where it shouldn't (belly, or sliding up my sleeve, for example), instead of just putting him off my lap or getting upset, I would just remove his hand with my own, and then hold the hand gently for a few and then put it down on his own lap.
Also, had many talks about boundary issues, about how nobody is allowed to nudge his body, they have to respect his body, and he's got to respect my body and not nudge it. Kind of like reminding him how we always ask if we're allowed to give a kiss ... also making it into a little game with him where we told him to sit on his hands if he felt them wanting to go into someone else's space, so say if he was next to his sister and would be starting to squeeze her arm, we'd (with kind of mild enthusiasm, like it was a game) say "time to sit on 'em! time to sit on 'em!" and he'd put his hands under his thighs and be very proud of himself that he 'controlled' his hands.
Am pretty sure that my overbearing way of dealing with it (physical nonavailability) before is what led to him starting to nudge other people's arms and bellies. At least he didn't try to grab other people's breasts (well, not too often anyway).
Anyway, it really started to fade when he was in kindergarten last year, and I think some of the other children would get upset with him for poking their bellies or squeezing their arms or whatever grabbing he would be doing, and that really sunk in with him. And, of course, he's finally growing up.
:)
But it was a very uncomfortable thing to deal with, and hard to talk about it with some people, as they just didn't get it. Like, they'd either think we were talking about some weird sexual thing :rolleyes or they would say, "Oh, he's just being affectionate," totally not understanding that it wasn't just simple touching like everyone does.
Hoping that rambling made some sense. Am typing as much as I can as fast as I can, can hear kids gettign in trouble next door (ie., it's very quiet in there) so gotta go ... :bolt
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Wow Merpk -- that sounds so rough! I bet you are glad to put it all behind you at this point.
My guy only does this to me. "Bewwie and booies. I need bewwie and booies." I actually try to redirect him to put his arm up my sleeve!!!! Its better than up the front of my shirt! And having him pinch my stomach actually *hurts!*
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Wow, thank you for all the thoughtful replies. :)
I like the idea of redirecting him to a more appropriate touch--"You may hug me this way, instead." I'm going to try that.
Irishmommy, the big irony is, that since I spent 8 years of my life breastfeeding, my entire wardrobe is structured around it--all two piece outfits. Even now, 18 months after weaning my youngest, I still instinctively avoid one piece dresses.
No hugs, and whenever I did hug him, it was like a 'distant' hug, almost like there was a tree between us. I find myself starting to get like this sometimes. He has days when he hardly grabs my tummy at all, and others when I feel like I do nothing but fend him off and I feel bad about that--like what message is it sending, but geez, a mamas got to have a *little* personal space.
More Topical:
The problem is, he is now--as my older kids call him--a "tummy addict." Any time he feels like it, he's sticking his hands up my shirt. I've been telling him not to, but it's really hard to get him off me, and it's embarrassing when he does this in public; not to mention uncomfortable, now that cold weather is here and he's untucking my shirt and putting his freezing hands on my bare skin.
I'm not sure if this really goes in EBF, but I thought I'd put it here, because I really see it as more of a discipline issue.
Has anyone else had a kneader? How did you stop him or her?
^_^:
I'd be interested in replies to this. We have the same problem.
^_^:
I have a 5 yo who is a groper, too. She self-weaned a couple of months before she turned 5. She puts her hands in my shirt, tries to jump on my (pg) belly, grope, grope, grope.
When she does it, I calmly tell her that "I don't want to be touched like that," or "don't put your hands up my shirt, please" and that "I'd rather be touched like this" and I show her a more appropriate, more gentle, less irritating way to be affectionate.
She's getting better at it.
^_^:
my little brother used to put his hand in my mom's armpit when he nursed, and he did it to anyone who rocked him to sleep or cuddled with him (after he weaned - he was about 3, i was about 18). it was pretty uncomfortable in public, and we never had much luck trying to dissuade him from it, but he did eventually outgrow it. sorry if that's no help for you, but you know your boy won't be doing it forever.
aja
^_^:
Do you have any clothes (like overalls or dresses) that can't be lifted? Maybe if he can't do it, then he'll give up.
^_^:
Totally totally totally there with you.
Our DS#1 was like this mostly with my breasts until really just last year (and he still tries to 'cop a feel' on occasion) ... and still has some touching/boundary issues, seeing him poke or touch other children too much. He weaned at 3, and now he's 6.5.
***Don't want that to sound like what it's not, he's not touching anywhere 'private,' just TOO MUCH TOUCHING.***
Unfortunately before I found MDC it made me crazy when I was pg with my #2, you know, that nursing repulsion thing that sort of happens, and I would get crazy when he would just be grabbing me while nursing, so would hold his hands together ... oy.
The therapist issues are just building and building as I write this. :( :LOL
But anyway, it became almost a tough love situation, and I write that very guiltily, because I don't think I dealt with it properly ... where if he was groping or grabbing my breasts or whatever I would just not let him near me for a while. No hugs, and whenever I did hug him, it was like a 'distant' hug, almost like there was a tree between us.
Hard to explain because thinking about it makes me feel awful, and that's hard to deal with.
Once I came here I started to deal with it differently, like if I was holding him on my lap (yay for doing that altogether again :() and felt his hand going where it shouldn't (belly, or sliding up my sleeve, for example), instead of just putting him off my lap or getting upset, I would just remove his hand with my own, and then hold the hand gently for a few and then put it down on his own lap.
Also, had many talks about boundary issues, about how nobody is allowed to nudge his body, they have to respect his body, and he's got to respect my body and not nudge it. Kind of like reminding him how we always ask if we're allowed to give a kiss ... also making it into a little game with him where we told him to sit on his hands if he felt them wanting to go into someone else's space, so say if he was next to his sister and would be starting to squeeze her arm, we'd (with kind of mild enthusiasm, like it was a game) say "time to sit on 'em! time to sit on 'em!" and he'd put his hands under his thighs and be very proud of himself that he 'controlled' his hands.
Am pretty sure that my overbearing way of dealing with it (physical nonavailability) before is what led to him starting to nudge other people's arms and bellies. At least he didn't try to grab other people's breasts (well, not too often anyway).
Anyway, it really started to fade when he was in kindergarten last year, and I think some of the other children would get upset with him for poking their bellies or squeezing their arms or whatever grabbing he would be doing, and that really sunk in with him. And, of course, he's finally growing up.
:)
But it was a very uncomfortable thing to deal with, and hard to talk about it with some people, as they just didn't get it. Like, they'd either think we were talking about some weird sexual thing :rolleyes or they would say, "Oh, he's just being affectionate," totally not understanding that it wasn't just simple touching like everyone does.
Hoping that rambling made some sense. Am typing as much as I can as fast as I can, can hear kids gettign in trouble next door (ie., it's very quiet in there) so gotta go ... :bolt
^_^:
Wow Merpk -- that sounds so rough! I bet you are glad to put it all behind you at this point.
My guy only does this to me. "Bewwie and booies. I need bewwie and booies." I actually try to redirect him to put his arm up my sleeve!!!! Its better than up the front of my shirt! And having him pinch my stomach actually *hurts!*
^_^:
Wow, thank you for all the thoughtful replies. :)
I like the idea of redirecting him to a more appropriate touch--"You may hug me this way, instead." I'm going to try that.
Irishmommy, the big irony is, that since I spent 8 years of my life breastfeeding, my entire wardrobe is structured around it--all two piece outfits. Even now, 18 months after weaning my youngest, I still instinctively avoid one piece dresses.
No hugs, and whenever I did hug him, it was like a 'distant' hug, almost like there was a tree between us. I find myself starting to get like this sometimes. He has days when he hardly grabs my tummy at all, and others when I feel like I do nothing but fend him off and I feel bad about that--like what message is it sending, but geez, a mamas got to have a *little* personal space.
More Topical: