behvior regression and biting (xposted in toddlers)
I REALLY need some help so I posted this here and in the toddler area..hope that is ok...I am really needing some suggestions....apologizes in advance for how long this is. Here is some background info:
Iain is now 26 months and Duncan is 46 months. Baby #3 is arriving March. In the last week and a half or so I would say both of the boys behaviors have regressed. Iain started the whole shut up thing and he also started throwing toys more and suddenly and unprovoked will hit Duncan or try to bite him. He has also become more upset when I am not in his immediate sighe unless he chooses to leave me. Duncan has become as moody as all get out...the whinning and tears are enough to knock me over. He seems to just fall apart over what seems to be little things. He is also starting to talk back a bit. He too has not wanted me to leave him to run errands etc. Both boys have wanted either mone of DH constant attn and interaction...where as before they had a good balance of interactive play with us, each other and independent play.
Duncan is very well aware that the baby will be here soon and he ofter brings in up including asking me frequently about how long I will be inthe hospital and on one occassion asking who was going to take care of him when I was at the hospital. He also has been asking questions about the birth and I try to answer in simple term. I told him that the baby will come out of mommy's tummy. He asked how..I told him the dr uses a special tool to make a small cut to help bring the baby out (given I have to have a csection ) He asked it the dr was going to use a drill...hope not....
Iain on the other hand is either completly oblivious or is choosing to ignore any discussion of the baby. He won't even acknowledge there is a baby in my tummy anymore. He sometimes will sit when we read a book about babies or being a big brother but it si normally Duncan who is wanting that.
Tonight I have all but had it and I needed to hide in our office b/c I need a break or I am going to go crazy...I am in total tears and DH is besides himself which of course doens't help the situation.
This is the major stressor that we just can't find a way to respond to that is working..
About a week ago Iain (26 months) started going after DH, me, and DS saying things like " I have sharp teeth", I want to bite ____", "I want to eat ___ ". At first we tried ignoring it. The saying things like "We don't bite, biting hurts", "we use our teeth to bite food" etc. Well it is just completly out of hand right now. Iain is doing it on and off most of the day. Duncan is fueling it to some regards b/c he goes running away and laughing when Iain comes after him. He will also push him away or such. Even when I try to intervene and tell Duncan to come sit buy me and I will deal with Iain he will still say stuff or make screaming noises that ends up antagozing Iain further and just fuels the whole thing. Distraction doesn't work either.
Please...any suggestions as to how to address this with both boys is welcome. Time outs are not effective with Iain as you have to physically hold him which just fuels the situation further. Iain seems to think its funny and a game. He also tries to bite furniture. DH pointed out that Iain also seems to be role playing that he is an animal when he does this. He is totally crazy about animals ..and the boys have lots of those plastic animals (made by some german company)..camels, dogs. sharks, tigers, lions, fish, bugs, bears, horses cows, etc. They play with them on and off all day. They have never played with them aggressively until Iain started this biting thing a week and a half ago with the crocidiles. Actually he bite have been having the crocidiles "eat" about 2 weeks ago or so.
All my books talk about how to handle biting from a standpt of after the bite occurs and the agressors may be having difficulty/frustration expressing himself. That doesn't seem to fit our situation. One thing I read was to offer a box of things that are ok to bite (wash clothes, teethers etc)..not sure if that is productive or not. Any thoughts?
I am stressed out to the max!!! I have to leave my boys for the first time since Iain was born in just a few days and I don't know what to do. DH is totally frustrated to and losing his patience b/c he is at a loss as to what to do. I know the more we get frustrated and overwhelemed the more it escaletes the situation. My mom is due in town tomorrow and she is maybe a little AP although but more mainstream I would say (heck we got spanked and stood int he corner) she does respond pretty well when I tell her what works for us and is mostly willing to try things when it comes to her grandkids. She adores them and they adore her
Tonight I ended up having to seperate the boys. effective. DH had to take Duncan up to his room and read some books and I took Iain ...he had a total melt down..yelling and screaming and telling me he wanted to bite. He proceeded to take some cans out of the lazy susan and throw them on the floor telling me he was made DH and Duncan were upstairs. I told him they were upstairs b/c he was not playing nice with them and that they didn't want to be bit by him. I offered him a hug..he refused for a bit and then finally let me hold and hug him. I jut can't having things escalting like this..we need a better game plan. It is happening several times a day....and there aren't always going to be 2 of us here...not to mention when the baby comes in a few days. Even after this incident tonight he had another one which I managed to thwart by distracting them to play in the play kitchen with me and the other was right at bedtime and DH had to take Iain out of story time b/c he was doing the whole biting thing again. He and Iain just went to bed at that point.
Any suggestions or thoughts are welcome...I need them quick
^_^:
please...anyone...this is still a big issue for us...I really need some help with this one
:(
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Iain is now 26 months and Duncan is 46 months. Baby #3 is arriving March. In the last week and a half or so I would say both of the boys behaviors have regressed. Iain started the whole shut up thing and he also started throwing toys more and suddenly and unprovoked will hit Duncan or try to bite him. He has also become more upset when I am not in his immediate sighe unless he chooses to leave me. Duncan has become as moody as all get out...the whinning and tears are enough to knock me over. He seems to just fall apart over what seems to be little things. He is also starting to talk back a bit. He too has not wanted me to leave him to run errands etc. Both boys have wanted either mone of DH constant attn and interaction...where as before they had a good balance of interactive play with us, each other and independent play.
Duncan is very well aware that the baby will be here soon and he ofter brings in up including asking me frequently about how long I will be inthe hospital and on one occassion asking who was going to take care of him when I was at the hospital. He also has been asking questions about the birth and I try to answer in simple term. I told him that the baby will come out of mommy's tummy. He asked how..I told him the dr uses a special tool to make a small cut to help bring the baby out (given I have to have a csection ) He asked it the dr was going to use a drill...hope not....
Iain on the other hand is either completly oblivious or is choosing to ignore any discussion of the baby. He won't even acknowledge there is a baby in my tummy anymore. He sometimes will sit when we read a book about babies or being a big brother but it si normally Duncan who is wanting that.
Tonight I have all but had it and I needed to hide in our office b/c I need a break or I am going to go crazy...I am in total tears and DH is besides himself which of course doens't help the situation.
This is the major stressor that we just can't find a way to respond to that is working..
About a week ago Iain (26 months) started going after DH, me, and DS saying things like " I have sharp teeth", I want to bite ____", "I want to eat ___ ". At first we tried ignoring it. The saying things like "We don't bite, biting hurts", "we use our teeth to bite food" etc. Well it is just completly out of hand right now. Iain is doing it on and off most of the day. Duncan is fueling it to some regards b/c he goes running away and laughing when Iain comes after him. He will also push him away or such. Even when I try to intervene and tell Duncan to come sit buy me and I will deal with Iain he will still say stuff or make screaming noises that ends up antagozing Iain further and just fuels the whole thing. Distraction doesn't work either.
Please...any suggestions as to how to address this with both boys is welcome. Time outs are not effective with Iain as you have to physically hold him which just fuels the situation further. Iain seems to think its funny and a game. He also tries to bite furniture. DH pointed out that Iain also seems to be role playing that he is an animal when he does this. He is totally crazy about animals ..and the boys have lots of those plastic animals (made by some german company)..camels, dogs. sharks, tigers, lions, fish, bugs, bears, horses cows, etc. They play with them on and off all day. They have never played with them aggressively until Iain started this biting thing a week and a half ago with the crocidiles. Actually he bite have been having the crocidiles "eat" about 2 weeks ago or so.
All my books talk about how to handle biting from a standpt of after the bite occurs and the agressors may be having difficulty/frustration expressing himself. That doesn't seem to fit our situation. One thing I read was to offer a box of things that are ok to bite (wash clothes, teethers etc)..not sure if that is productive or not. Any thoughts?
I am stressed out to the max!!! I have to leave my boys for the first time since Iain was born in just a few days and I don't know what to do. DH is totally frustrated to and losing his patience b/c he is at a loss as to what to do. I know the more we get frustrated and overwhelemed the more it escaletes the situation. My mom is due in town tomorrow and she is maybe a little AP although but more mainstream I would say (heck we got spanked and stood int he corner) she does respond pretty well when I tell her what works for us and is mostly willing to try things when it comes to her grandkids. She adores them and they adore her
Tonight I ended up having to seperate the boys. effective. DH had to take Duncan up to his room and read some books and I took Iain ...he had a total melt down..yelling and screaming and telling me he wanted to bite. He proceeded to take some cans out of the lazy susan and throw them on the floor telling me he was made DH and Duncan were upstairs. I told him they were upstairs b/c he was not playing nice with them and that they didn't want to be bit by him. I offered him a hug..he refused for a bit and then finally let me hold and hug him. I jut can't having things escalting like this..we need a better game plan. It is happening several times a day....and there aren't always going to be 2 of us here...not to mention when the baby comes in a few days. Even after this incident tonight he had another one which I managed to thwart by distracting them to play in the play kitchen with me and the other was right at bedtime and DH had to take Iain out of story time b/c he was doing the whole biting thing again. He and Iain just went to bed at that point.
Any suggestions or thoughts are welcome...I need them quick
^_^:
please...anyone...this is still a big issue for us...I really need some help with this one
:(
More Topical: