order technique
I would be curious to hear people's thoughts about something I started doing with my 2 1/2 year old - basically letting him know the order things have to happen in.
For example, before we get in the car and go to the playground, we all need shoes on, right? My ds1 was getting really upset when I said, "lets get ready for the playground" but stopped him from getting into the car without his shoes. I think he heard "playground" and thought I was changing my mind if I said "first shoes".
So what I have started doing is saying. "we are going to the playground. FIRST (and i hold up one finger) we have to put shoes one. SECOND (I hold up two fingers) we get into our carseats. THIRD (I hold up three fingers) we go to the playground." I repeat this about two or three times.
After we put our shoes on, I say "Okay, we are done with shoes (and I put that finger down) and NOW, SECOND, we get onto our carseats. Once we are in our carseats, we go to the playground (holding up the two and three fingers).
Lord, it sounds complicated, but it isn't. I find that it helps reassure my son that there hasn't been a change in plans but rather the things we do first are part of the process.
Thoughts? Comments, concerns?
Siobhan
- making up the whole parenting thing as I go along.
^_^:
I have started doing the same thing (becaues, as someone pointed out on my thread, the connection between e.g. wearing shoes and going out is far from obvious to a 2.5 yo. It is so easy to forget those things we just take for granted.) with pretty good results (not 100%). For us, the key is repetition ad nauseum.
e.g.
In the morning he wakes up.
Me: Good morning sweetie!
Him: I wake up.
Me: Yes, I know. And now you're going to have breakfast, then get dressed, then put on your shoes and jacket, then get in the stroller, then we'll go to [sitter's] house.
Him: I hungry.
Me: Ok, let's eat breakfast. Then we'll get dressed, then put on your shoes and jacket, then get in the stroller, then we'll go to [sitter's] house.
Him [after eating]: I done.
Me: Ok, now let's get dressed, then put on your shoes and jacket, then get in the stroller, then we'll go to [sitter's] house.
You get the idea.
Toddlers love repetition in stories. I do find that if I say the exact same thing, exactly the same way, he responds to it a little better. Occasionally he even tells me what we're going to do. So our morning routine is getting marginally better. Bedtime is getting marginally better this way too, tho nightwaking is still a problem...
Oh, one more thing that I've recently thrown in, a kind of playful parenting approach.
Me: Ok, what happens next, do we put Natty's shoes on? (Natty is the dog.)
Him: NO!!! My shoes and jacket!
Me: Oh right, and then Mommy gets in the stroller...
Him: NO!!! My stroller! Then go to [sitter's] house.
So this allows him to be the smartypants and I'm the big dufus. And it allows him to say NO!!!! a lot and with great emphasis which is, apparently, terriblly important. But this only works now that I have been consistent and repetitious for several days. At the beginning I think he would have been very excited and distgracted by the idea of putting his shoes on Natty.
^_^:
If your kid likes it I think it is great. It teaches him to think in sequences and it may make him feel a lot better to know what is going to happen. We did similar things with our son and it worked wonderfully. I really like to use visual reminders and charts like this with kids too. He might like having something on the wall that shows the steps for some of his standard everyday routines too.
^_^:
I like it! My son needs lots and lots of help with transitions, so we did a fair bit of that for him.
We also made things Dora-esque: "First we'll go through the neighborhood, then we'll stop at the library, and last we'll go to the store! What do we say if we see Swiper, again?"
^_^:
I often do the same thing with my dd. Especially if something out of the ordinary is going to be occuring that day - like an afternoon spent at the babysitter's or something like that. I find it helps her accept things more easily if she knows what's going to happen. In the morning I always say "first we change your diaper, then we have breakfast" a few times just to get it into her head. If I don't then she freaks for her breakfast and cries kicking and screaming to the diaper changing table. If I DO tell her then she accepts the diaper change totally calmly.
^_^:
I think it is a very smart technique. It helps empower your child and give her/him a sense of what is going on -- as opposed to feeling randomly dragged from thing to thing. Like most things, it depends on the kid. My dd loves to know what will happen and loves to talk about everything, A LOT. DS on the other hand, was always on his own head more. Much quieter. So I offered up less chatter and info when he was younger and let him ask for the information he was interested in.
^_^:
I want to add that for my DD who is older (almost 6) similar things put her mind at ease.
We do a "check list" on dry-eraze board and she is very adamant about checking things off it :)
I used to do it for myself only in order not to forget things. It make sense - kids (and adults alike) might not like to always "operate" on the spur-of-the-moment directions. I myself always want to know "what comes next", so it's logical for me that kids would too.
^_^:
Hey, it works for Dora! :D
^_^:
it sounds like an interesting technique - I am kind of bit surprised that a 2.5 year old can respond to so much information at one time ??
I know with my 3.5year old, I tend to just tell her the most immediate thing to be done maybe followed by just ONE other thing. So for instance if we are going to the park, I don't mention the park upfront I just say OK lets put on our shoes or I might say OK lets put on our shoes we're going in the car
she might then just do it or she might say 'why?' - if I've just said put on the shoes then I would say 'because we are going in the car' if I've said we are putting them on to go in the car then I'd say 'because we are going to the park"
really she cannot retain very much information at all and really understand it -I've found that simple is the best when it comes to giving directions ...
^_^:
it sounds like an interesting technique - I am kind of bit surprised that a 2.5 year old can respond to so much information at one time ??... Based on my experience with ds I would have totally agreed with you. But dd is*so* different. At 2.5, she definitely could have handled it and now at 3 I am amazed at how much she processes....
I think like almost any technique, you just have to know your kid.
^_^:
Yes, my interactions with the kids at age 2 were very similar. My kids *really* need, and have always needed, to know exactly what is going to be happening and in what order. Our bedtime routine involves a routine we call "talk about tomorrow" or "reading the tomorrow list." In which we go over the order of events for the next day. "First we take big brother to school, then we have some home time. Then we have lunch, and go rollerskating. Then our friends are coming to play. We will pick them up. We will also pick up big brother. When they go home, we will eat dinner early and meet Daddy. You will go swimming and I will go to my class. You will be asleep when I come home." Often we go over it twice. We started this routine when each of them were about 2 yo. Maybe a little younger, actually.
The only thing I will say though, is that I was very careful about what I insisted on when describing "short term" tasks. Choosing my battles, kwim? So -- yes, we do need to get in the carseat before we go to the playground. But -- shoes can be carried OR worn.... And I'm glad I was careful about these things, because age 3 is when they start seriously challenging the established order of things! I only have energy for so many arguments in a day. :)
More Topical:
For example, before we get in the car and go to the playground, we all need shoes on, right? My ds1 was getting really upset when I said, "lets get ready for the playground" but stopped him from getting into the car without his shoes. I think he heard "playground" and thought I was changing my mind if I said "first shoes".
So what I have started doing is saying. "we are going to the playground. FIRST (and i hold up one finger) we have to put shoes one. SECOND (I hold up two fingers) we get into our carseats. THIRD (I hold up three fingers) we go to the playground." I repeat this about two or three times.
After we put our shoes on, I say "Okay, we are done with shoes (and I put that finger down) and NOW, SECOND, we get onto our carseats. Once we are in our carseats, we go to the playground (holding up the two and three fingers).
Lord, it sounds complicated, but it isn't. I find that it helps reassure my son that there hasn't been a change in plans but rather the things we do first are part of the process.
Thoughts? Comments, concerns?
Siobhan
- making up the whole parenting thing as I go along.
^_^:
I have started doing the same thing (becaues, as someone pointed out on my thread, the connection between e.g. wearing shoes and going out is far from obvious to a 2.5 yo. It is so easy to forget those things we just take for granted.) with pretty good results (not 100%). For us, the key is repetition ad nauseum.
e.g.
In the morning he wakes up.
Me: Good morning sweetie!
Him: I wake up.
Me: Yes, I know. And now you're going to have breakfast, then get dressed, then put on your shoes and jacket, then get in the stroller, then we'll go to [sitter's] house.
Him: I hungry.
Me: Ok, let's eat breakfast. Then we'll get dressed, then put on your shoes and jacket, then get in the stroller, then we'll go to [sitter's] house.
Him [after eating]: I done.
Me: Ok, now let's get dressed, then put on your shoes and jacket, then get in the stroller, then we'll go to [sitter's] house.
You get the idea.
Toddlers love repetition in stories. I do find that if I say the exact same thing, exactly the same way, he responds to it a little better. Occasionally he even tells me what we're going to do. So our morning routine is getting marginally better. Bedtime is getting marginally better this way too, tho nightwaking is still a problem...
Oh, one more thing that I've recently thrown in, a kind of playful parenting approach.
Me: Ok, what happens next, do we put Natty's shoes on? (Natty is the dog.)
Him: NO!!! My shoes and jacket!
Me: Oh right, and then Mommy gets in the stroller...
Him: NO!!! My stroller! Then go to [sitter's] house.
So this allows him to be the smartypants and I'm the big dufus. And it allows him to say NO!!!! a lot and with great emphasis which is, apparently, terriblly important. But this only works now that I have been consistent and repetitious for several days. At the beginning I think he would have been very excited and distgracted by the idea of putting his shoes on Natty.
^_^:
If your kid likes it I think it is great. It teaches him to think in sequences and it may make him feel a lot better to know what is going to happen. We did similar things with our son and it worked wonderfully. I really like to use visual reminders and charts like this with kids too. He might like having something on the wall that shows the steps for some of his standard everyday routines too.
^_^:
I like it! My son needs lots and lots of help with transitions, so we did a fair bit of that for him.
We also made things Dora-esque: "First we'll go through the neighborhood, then we'll stop at the library, and last we'll go to the store! What do we say if we see Swiper, again?"
^_^:
I often do the same thing with my dd. Especially if something out of the ordinary is going to be occuring that day - like an afternoon spent at the babysitter's or something like that. I find it helps her accept things more easily if she knows what's going to happen. In the morning I always say "first we change your diaper, then we have breakfast" a few times just to get it into her head. If I don't then she freaks for her breakfast and cries kicking and screaming to the diaper changing table. If I DO tell her then she accepts the diaper change totally calmly.
^_^:
I think it is a very smart technique. It helps empower your child and give her/him a sense of what is going on -- as opposed to feeling randomly dragged from thing to thing. Like most things, it depends on the kid. My dd loves to know what will happen and loves to talk about everything, A LOT. DS on the other hand, was always on his own head more. Much quieter. So I offered up less chatter and info when he was younger and let him ask for the information he was interested in.
^_^:
I want to add that for my DD who is older (almost 6) similar things put her mind at ease.
We do a "check list" on dry-eraze board and she is very adamant about checking things off it :)
I used to do it for myself only in order not to forget things. It make sense - kids (and adults alike) might not like to always "operate" on the spur-of-the-moment directions. I myself always want to know "what comes next", so it's logical for me that kids would too.
^_^:
Hey, it works for Dora! :D
^_^:
it sounds like an interesting technique - I am kind of bit surprised that a 2.5 year old can respond to so much information at one time ??
I know with my 3.5year old, I tend to just tell her the most immediate thing to be done maybe followed by just ONE other thing. So for instance if we are going to the park, I don't mention the park upfront I just say OK lets put on our shoes or I might say OK lets put on our shoes we're going in the car
she might then just do it or she might say 'why?' - if I've just said put on the shoes then I would say 'because we are going in the car' if I've said we are putting them on to go in the car then I'd say 'because we are going to the park"
really she cannot retain very much information at all and really understand it -I've found that simple is the best when it comes to giving directions ...
^_^:
it sounds like an interesting technique - I am kind of bit surprised that a 2.5 year old can respond to so much information at one time ??... Based on my experience with ds I would have totally agreed with you. But dd is*so* different. At 2.5, she definitely could have handled it and now at 3 I am amazed at how much she processes....
I think like almost any technique, you just have to know your kid.
^_^:
Yes, my interactions with the kids at age 2 were very similar. My kids *really* need, and have always needed, to know exactly what is going to be happening and in what order. Our bedtime routine involves a routine we call "talk about tomorrow" or "reading the tomorrow list." In which we go over the order of events for the next day. "First we take big brother to school, then we have some home time. Then we have lunch, and go rollerskating. Then our friends are coming to play. We will pick them up. We will also pick up big brother. When they go home, we will eat dinner early and meet Daddy. You will go swimming and I will go to my class. You will be asleep when I come home." Often we go over it twice. We started this routine when each of them were about 2 yo. Maybe a little younger, actually.
The only thing I will say though, is that I was very careful about what I insisted on when describing "short term" tasks. Choosing my battles, kwim? So -- yes, we do need to get in the carseat before we go to the playground. But -- shoes can be carried OR worn.... And I'm glad I was careful about these things, because age 3 is when they start seriously challenging the established order of things! I only have energy for so many arguments in a day. :)
More Topical: