Unconditional Parenting Challenge...Week #3
Hello all! I must apologize for being so late on getting this posted. Things were busy all weekend, and our power was out all night last night!
This week's principle is
Keep Your Eye on Your Long Term Goals.
I think that it would be fun for everybody to write an 'essay' that discusses the following..
*What are your long term goals for your children?
*What parenting practices would help you achieve them better?
*What do you need to 'work on' to make this happen?
Any other ideas????
Thanks
^_^:
My long term goals for my children are for them to be happy and independent, and most importantly strong. Especially strong in moral/ religious beliefs. Also caring, compassionate and considerate.
As for parenting techniques to help them achieve these things, its obvious that yelling and hitting aren't going to help them be caring and compassionate, since 90% of what they are learning is thru my modeling.
I think its important to remind ourselves that getting children to 'behave' in the short term has so much to do with our control, and little to do with our long term goals for our children.
I think that I need to control my own anger and stop trying to manipulate my children for a short term goal of being quiet in the moment and start thinking about what I can do now to ensure my long-term goals for them.
Eliminating time- outs is my newest adventure!
^_^:
I would have to say that my long term goals for my daughters would be that I want them to be confident, secure individuals. I hope that they will be able to nurture stong relationships with the people around them, and be able to choose a path in their lives that wil lead to their total satisfaction in life.
When I think about my relationship with my parents, I realize that things are rocky now, because they did not take the time to get to know me as I was growing up. Their discipline methods were external, punishing, inducing guilt and fear. They may have been able to manipulate me to be a 'good' girl, but my feelings never mattered. As a result, I constantly struggle with feeling like my needs are not as important as those of others.
I think I can turn this around for my daughters by encouraging them in their endeavors, and take the time to listen to their feelings from a small age.
I guess my biggest goal is for them to grow up, have children, and them still like to be around me. :)
^_^:
My long term goals for my children to grow up into the people they want to be. To be secure and happy and care about the people and world around them.
I try to do this by keeping in mind I model for them how a woman is and allowing them to be who they are as much as possible. I try not to impose my will just because it is my will.
^_^:
Oh, the essays are a great idea!
HERE GOES: I hope ds grows up to be curious and compassionate, to have a sense of efficacy about how to make change in the world and in his life, and to feel is feelings deeply - from anger to joy to sadness to contentment.
I am going to cut and paste that paragraph, print it out, talk about it with dh, and think about how my specific parenting practices both hinder and contribute to my long term goals. This is a pretty heavy exercise, I need to think a bit!! :dizzy:
PS - don't worry about being late posting, maybe we can take a bit longer on this one, anyway! It feels like knowing what I really truly hope for ds will become the foundation for how I continue to parent.
^_^:
Hi! Just joining this thread. It is a wonderful idea to do the essay....I have been struggling w/ parenting unconditionally, unfortunately, I see the way my parents parented me pop up, which is very conditional. The important thing is that I realize it and STOP but then I am like a deer in the headlights, I don't know what to do.....maybe for the time being NOTHING is the answer? Anyway, here goes:
I want my children to grow up to be confident and self-assured, happy in what they are doing, never doubting themselves or second guessing.
I can get them to reach these goals by modeling what I want for them by how I parent, realizing that getting angry and raising my voice is not the way to do it.
I need to be in the moment and to let things pass or think rather than having to always ACT. I am working on eliminating T.O's as well. Any suggestions and talking about that would be great! :)
Thanks,
Aimee
^_^:
Hi all... Should we move on to the next topic? This one seems to have lost steam early on.
^_^:
My long term goals for my children: to be healthy, independent, mature, ethical, observant adults who get along well with others and take accountability for their actions; to follow the guidelines that we follow (religion-wise).
I can achieve these goals by being a living example and by being their guide and by sending them to schools that share our values.
I need to work on my anger management and patience and laziness to help them.
^_^:
I've been looking for this thread all week, and now I just found it and #4. Timr for some catching up!
More Topical:
This week's principle is
Keep Your Eye on Your Long Term Goals.
I think that it would be fun for everybody to write an 'essay' that discusses the following..
*What are your long term goals for your children?
*What parenting practices would help you achieve them better?
*What do you need to 'work on' to make this happen?
Any other ideas????
Thanks
^_^:
My long term goals for my children are for them to be happy and independent, and most importantly strong. Especially strong in moral/ religious beliefs. Also caring, compassionate and considerate.
As for parenting techniques to help them achieve these things, its obvious that yelling and hitting aren't going to help them be caring and compassionate, since 90% of what they are learning is thru my modeling.
I think its important to remind ourselves that getting children to 'behave' in the short term has so much to do with our control, and little to do with our long term goals for our children.
I think that I need to control my own anger and stop trying to manipulate my children for a short term goal of being quiet in the moment and start thinking about what I can do now to ensure my long-term goals for them.
Eliminating time- outs is my newest adventure!
^_^:
I would have to say that my long term goals for my daughters would be that I want them to be confident, secure individuals. I hope that they will be able to nurture stong relationships with the people around them, and be able to choose a path in their lives that wil lead to their total satisfaction in life.
When I think about my relationship with my parents, I realize that things are rocky now, because they did not take the time to get to know me as I was growing up. Their discipline methods were external, punishing, inducing guilt and fear. They may have been able to manipulate me to be a 'good' girl, but my feelings never mattered. As a result, I constantly struggle with feeling like my needs are not as important as those of others.
I think I can turn this around for my daughters by encouraging them in their endeavors, and take the time to listen to their feelings from a small age.
I guess my biggest goal is for them to grow up, have children, and them still like to be around me. :)
^_^:
My long term goals for my children to grow up into the people they want to be. To be secure and happy and care about the people and world around them.
I try to do this by keeping in mind I model for them how a woman is and allowing them to be who they are as much as possible. I try not to impose my will just because it is my will.
^_^:
Oh, the essays are a great idea!
HERE GOES: I hope ds grows up to be curious and compassionate, to have a sense of efficacy about how to make change in the world and in his life, and to feel is feelings deeply - from anger to joy to sadness to contentment.
I am going to cut and paste that paragraph, print it out, talk about it with dh, and think about how my specific parenting practices both hinder and contribute to my long term goals. This is a pretty heavy exercise, I need to think a bit!! :dizzy:
PS - don't worry about being late posting, maybe we can take a bit longer on this one, anyway! It feels like knowing what I really truly hope for ds will become the foundation for how I continue to parent.
^_^:
Hi! Just joining this thread. It is a wonderful idea to do the essay....I have been struggling w/ parenting unconditionally, unfortunately, I see the way my parents parented me pop up, which is very conditional. The important thing is that I realize it and STOP but then I am like a deer in the headlights, I don't know what to do.....maybe for the time being NOTHING is the answer? Anyway, here goes:
I want my children to grow up to be confident and self-assured, happy in what they are doing, never doubting themselves or second guessing.
I can get them to reach these goals by modeling what I want for them by how I parent, realizing that getting angry and raising my voice is not the way to do it.
I need to be in the moment and to let things pass or think rather than having to always ACT. I am working on eliminating T.O's as well. Any suggestions and talking about that would be great! :)
Thanks,
Aimee
^_^:
Hi all... Should we move on to the next topic? This one seems to have lost steam early on.
^_^:
My long term goals for my children: to be healthy, independent, mature, ethical, observant adults who get along well with others and take accountability for their actions; to follow the guidelines that we follow (religion-wise).
I can achieve these goals by being a living example and by being their guide and by sending them to schools that share our values.
I need to work on my anger management and patience and laziness to help them.
^_^:
I've been looking for this thread all week, and now I just found it and #4. Timr for some catching up!
More Topical: